The other day I had a conversation with a friend of mine. We were talking of faith and she was explaining what her life was like growing up with out a mother and an alcoholic father who was not involved with his children. She is much older now and she spoke about all the resentment she had over the years and how she tried to talk with her father about her feelings.
What she told me really spoke to me in that she realized she couldn't change him, she could only take control and change herself. I think many times we have high hopes to change people or at least their opinions of us and our relationships with them. Everyone has their faults. Sometimes talking it out doesn't work and sometimes expressing how it made you feel doesn't matter. People will be who they are and "beating the dead horse" so to speak will get you nowhere. It's more of a fairytale dream to think that we can and we need to come to terms with the fact.
My friend said "If you can change your perspective and look at the situation in a slightly different, more positive way then maybe that tiny shift can make our whole outlook a little better and the cross (baggage) that we carry a little lighter."
I just stopped right there...
She went on to say "we can only change ourselves, we can only work on ourselves to be the best we can be. By working on ourselves to be the goodness that we hope to be, we can be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend"
I know from my own experiences that many times I get so caught up in defending myself and who I am that I don't stop and look at what is really happening. We always need to be right, we always need to win (by using the term We I mean me and anyone else like this) and this mentality makes us stubborn and our understanding and care of other people is slowly pushed down the list of virtues. Some people can be downright mean and downright crazy and absolutely wrong... but we can't change that, we can only change ourselves and how we act and think and this year my goal has been to become a better me. I have been changing somethings in my life to live a healthier more natural and sustainable life but I have forgotten about the mental and spiritual self.
It's hard... I know! I fight with myself and think "why should I be the one to change?" Then I remember that the world does not revolve around me and my opinions or feelings. What we all hope this world possess is goodness and peace, Right? Fighting to be right and heard because we think ourselves are more important then anything in this world... fighting doesn't create peace of mind, it doesn't create peace. Fighting for peace only leads to fighting.
What have you been focusing on this year?
Isn't it ironic how we seem to get exactly what we NEED at just the right time!
I've been meaning to write this post for sometime now but today I wanted to join the link up over at Pour Your Heart Out.