The Favorite One

It's always a question us Moms hate to admit. As a Mom of two young girls, I've always believed that no Mom could get along with all of her children equally. I'm not talking about loving your children, I'm talking about getting along with them. I do believe that Moms love all their children to the same extent. But, when it comes to who we actually get along with, there are kids that are more drawn to their parents than others.

For starters, my girls are still pretty young (5 and 2 1/2 years old). They are just developing their personalities and my oldest just started kindergarten. I can't honestly say in my heart that there is one that I'm drawn to the most at this point in time, but I'm not dumb to the fact that it may very well happen.

Growing up, we always knew who the favorite sibling was. I don't think my Mom loved them anymore than me but she had her favorite. He was a favorite to everyone in the family, which is why I didn't blame her. I don't believe I've ever let it really affect me. I don't hold any jealousy or resentment about it. It just is what it is.

So... with all that being said, how does a Mother deal with the grandparent’s favorite? How does the parent deal when a grandparent favors one grandchild over another, especially when the two opposing kids are both your children? This is something I have been struggling with, trying to wrap my brain around. It's hard because it's hurtful to my daughter. 

I hate for my child to have to go feeling unloved by their grandparent. It's devastating when it's so present and you feel the heartbreak as it's happening right before your eyes but what do you say? It's not like one is spoiled with more gifts than the other. It's so simple that it can be objected and denied. It's in the way one looks, talks, responds and physically shows affection.

When I child goes to hug a grandparent and they don't receive a hug back, what is the child to do? It's hard when you see it and its even heart wrenching when the kids acknowledge it, too. 

I wish a gentle conversation would work in this situation but it hasn't and at this point I can't force someone to feel something they don't. So it is what it is. I'm a strong believer in people creating their own situations and this will unfortunately stick with my daughter. 

One day, when they wake up and realize the situation they have created, they have no one else to blame but themselves because you can't expect a young child to develop and cope with these type of feelings like an adult would. We all make our own beds and the reactions we have to other people are what we have to live with. We can't expect a situation to be one way when we are not willing to work for it.

What would you do in a situation like this?

Posted on September 17, 2014 and filed under Family, Parenting.